i do mean it when i say i miss blogging. i don’t think i’ve never realised how good a medium it is for me to vent my frustrations in, and i’ll never be able to do it justice with my sporadic blogging from time to time. but i’m sure it doesnt hold grudges against me anyway. thanks honey.
been totally bogged down by school work… and just about 8743568 other stuff? finally decided i had enough of mugging tonight and wanted to blog instead. and i’m glad i made that decision. another thing that always gets me when it comes to blogging is that i need to upload photos that i want to be on the blog. which always takes up so much time, and by the time i’m done uploading the 1762345 photos all the stuff i wanted to write about would have flown out of my head. but still, nothing says as much as a picture.
has been contacting mega intensively for the past… 2 weeks now i think? i think we’re both enjoying our role-playing. we are in a “relationship” that requires no form of commitment at all, but yet we are choosing to immerse ourselves in our roles. he’s the “hubby” and i’m the “honey”, and we greet each other these way on msn and in game. thank goodness not on the phone though, but we have tried it before (and had a good laugh about it too). i can understand why he would want that though. a nice little free relationship with no need for obliged commitment, but still deriving joy from the amount of company we get with each other. hopefully it does teach him a thing or two about being in a real relationship, although i do have to say i have been extremely understanding and tolerant as a “wife”. but i think he does know when his actions may cause jealousy and tries his best to “correct it”. not a bad catch, but too bad he is really way too young for me. almost a 2 year difference in age. and he’s still a bit childish, despite possessing some maturity much beyond his tender age of 19 (this year).
just a picture of a training guide dog that we saw at the GDV. beautiful animals.
as for kc… i think i do realise that it’s pretty impossible for us? we are quite fundamentally different people. he tends to get pretty emotional at times, but at other times he can be very bubbly. ok wait that sounds like me actually. but his bubbly is different from my bubbly! he still sounds like a kid. ok no that sounds like me too. that’s how i behave in front of people. but the me inside knows the difference between being childish and being child-like. i know when i’m behaving in a child-like manner that i’m not really childish? but i don’t think kc has realised that yet. or maybe he does and he’s not restraining himself. yet, at the same time i don’t want to leave him in that sense? i know i always read too much into stuff and i’m always too hopeful, which is something i need to fix. but at least for this time i realised it early on and haven’t dedicated too much into this fruitless relationship. so we’re still hovering at the cliff, but i’m slowing inching my way back to safety. and i will try my very best to pull him back as well. we are gonna walk out of this unharmed. that’s my most sincere wish for him. he has been hurt too many times, and i’m hoping this won’t be a repeat of all the crap he has been through. i just wanna be by his side as a (naggy motherly figure) caring friend, and to see how he’s gonna grow up. well technically he is, but i want to see how that child-like figure in him slowly learns to grasp the cruelty of the world, and slowly mature. and i want to be there to catch him if he falls. that’s the least i can do.
a picture of a street performer. i was so entranced by his guitar skills that i actually stopped and pulled my earphones out to hear him, even though i was on the opposite side of the road.
and i guess he felt my intense stare eh? hope it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable to have an admiring fan secretly snapping away at him behind his back. ok that actually sounded quite scary.
my life seems to be revolving around these 2 guys as of the moment. but don’t worry i have a life outside of them too. interesting to see how guys and girls are able to get so close, despite the negative connotations in the society about how a guy can’t be purely friends with a girl and vice versa. i tend to believe that, but yet i believe that we can suppress that side of us that wants to bring this friendship up a notch. so yeap, a guy and a girl can’t be purely friends, but it’s their behaviour towards each other that directs the course of their relationship. i don’t deny that i do feel a buzz for these 2, but yet i do know that they are childish fantasies that don’t come true. but yet it is this attraction between sexes that promotes the continuation of a friendship. that desire to “satisfy” each other and to “please” each other seems to be ingrained and hardwired into our minds when it comes to matters relating to the opposite sex. must have been an ancient survival requirement in the past that was preserved all the way till now.
hence, in conclusion… no worries this isn’t an academic essay. so tired of those already sheesh. but that should have given a clue to the direction of this paragraph. yup it is time to say goodbye… but it won’t be like the long drawn goodbyes i have with kc. we always wait till the last few minutes before i’m actually gonna hang up before we actually start talking a lot more to each other. ah well… still better than hanging up and wishing we could have said more. time for a bit of me time after a long day in school.
ta.
