well it ended yesterday. with a nice clean cut i think. he wouldn’t really want to contact me much anyway… maybe we’ve held each other back from too many things. but then again, i dedicated myself with no regrets. as of now i don’t remember the joys, but i think i had fun. i wouldn’t have done anything differently if i had the chance to do it again. if there are any regrets, it lies in him only. i’m sorry he had to feel this way.
was thinking as i walked on the streets today, how would i feel when i die? what would be the thoughts running through my head at the instant my world ends? would i feel sad? happy? disappointed? satisfied? if that day had to be today, i would say… satisfied, more than anything.
it was a nice time on this planet. my life was rather boring, but it had enough excitement to last me through till now. i’ve finally experienced love, lots and lots of it, over the past 2 years. i’ve ridden its roller coaster, i’ve ridden through its river, i’ve ridden through its horror rides. all the pain, all the joy, all the could-haves, would-haves. i really can’t remember the joy bit, but i’m sure it must have been enjoyable.
joy is short-lived, pain is long term eh.
i haven’t found a best friend yet, i don’t even think i’ve found a good friend even. but i have lots of people around me who might just give a damn if i die. and that alone is enough for me. my parents, though not the best, were good enough during the times they were here. i have a wonderful extended family as well. my studies have not been disappointing, and i was on the right track to a desired career.
maybe, just maybe, i’ll be sad to leave without having any children, but that’s about the only regret i have. i’ve listened to the best songs i could have heard. my life has been filled with wonderful music. i’ve seen a baby chuckle. i’ve seen the most beautiful woman in my life smile at me. i’ve seen the warmth and glow in a cat’s eyes as she looked at me. i’ve had good food, i’ve had good drinks. i’ve enjoyed summer with the most scorching sun, i’ve suffered through winter with the most piercing winds and snow.
i’ve seen life, i’ve seen death. i’ve seen the strength, and the vulnerability of both. i’ve seen love, at its weakest and its strongest. i’ve seen hate as well, which was indeed a shocking experience. i’ve experienced religion, and frolicked in its absence.
what more can i ask for? well i know there are most probably a million other things i could have done, but no regrets. no regrets dying today.
won’t say the same for tomorrow though.
life’s like that.
living from day to day.
