i miss the feeling of being single… that feeling of absolute freedom when you walk, when you can throw your hair and bat your eyelids at any guy down the road and feel attractive. the feeling of being able to flirt with all the guys in the world. and the right to swoon when he calls me baby.
but alas… is my guilt catching up with me? i don’t know… i really don’t know how to face him anymore. it’s like this time it’s a totally opposite experience with my 1st. my 1st is the only contact through email and sms, then very sweet. in real life, a bit more awkward. but this time with him… just looking at his smses and his emails and his msn convos, it sounds like he’s just talking to a friend. “what are you doing” “was a good day in school today” “going out now” it’s all so… meaningless. so cold and unfeeling.
he smses: what are you doing huh huh huh? 
today was so… zzooinkkss… dam… sorry i need to go first, wait for my sms!
it takes 2 hands to clap… we throw names at each other. we laugh at each other. we care about each other. and although it’s just an sms, we dedicate time to each other as well. but with him, i just can’t seem to feel that. it’s like… he’ s being supremely polite to me, to the point of treating me more as a friend than as a… gf.
i miss being single again… although i won’t have a shoulder to lean on… at least kc is there for me now. at least for now.
thank you for being such a dear kc~
