i am an extremely insecure girl. this is because i am… extremely practical? extremely rational? i can pick out a bone in an egg if i had to. if there was a superhero called super-rational-girl, i don’t think she’d last long. the real world is enough to destroy her.
or maybe it’s because i’m at that point in life where i’m looking for things that would last. no more buying cheap clothes racks, i’d rather pay more for a better one that would last me longer. no more buying cheap jewellery that have no long term use in my life. no more getting into relationships just for the sake of a fling, or for fun. no more.
i’m starting to keep my guard up against kc already. we’re just… too different. it was the same with my 1st as well. we were too different, people from different walks of life. no common topics, no similar interests… it was a relationship doomed to die on the very 1st day it bloomed. alas… silly me still decided to dedicate myself, pouring out all my efforts into that 2 month relationship. it almost killed me, but i came out colder, stronger, and even more alone.
and then i met this one. he was… perfect. similar personalities, rather similar interests. all my friends told me it was a good match. we thought so too. wham-bam, out of the blue something has to come along to ruin it for us. and now i’m dreading meeting him later. i don’t even know what to say to him. the sticky awkwardness between us is going to be there for a long, long time. how he let me down, and how i let him down as well.
and now kc. too different, too different. we have similar backgrounds, and that’s about it i guess. that’s the only thread that is tying us together, how we can relate to that immense loneliness in us. religion, interests, studies, careers, everything else separates us. especially that big gulf known as religion.
i’ve always been wary of it. i’m a free thinker and i treasure that a lot. it’s something i am not willing to let go off for the sake of someone else. maybe one day i will be convinced, but i will definitely not convert to anything for the sake of love/family/peer pressure etc etc. and of this group, i am most afraid of christians. i’m sorry if i’ve offended anyone, but that’s the truth. they may be the most compassionate people around, but they are also one of the most intolerant of people from other religion, free-thinkers included.
kc’s still young… these are things he wouldn’t consider, because he’s not thinking of committing to a long-term relationship yet. but i am. and these barriers are killing me.
only you!! i got a song for you!! its something new!! well you left me with the miss and you hit me with the kiss.. and all i want to say is i just miss you..
what should i do… oh silly kc…
