Kinky days

such swoon-worthy days… yea yea i know this is only for like the “honeymoon” period, but we should enjoy it before it’s gone no? sweet smses, flirting with each other… words seem more than words… thrown around like little candies, to sweeten you whenever it touches your hands, face, lips, arms.

“can i stun you again? i love you”

it’s always amazing what little things can do? just a stupid phrase like this, which carries no voice, no feelings, no emotions, no actions… but all the same, it send a little thrill of delight up your spine. it leaves you feeling tingly. it makes your heart thump just a bit faster, just a bit harder. it makes you swoon, it makes your heart flutter, it makes your time stop, it makes you grin.

it makes you feel loved.

just for that short 1s, before the real world forcefully pushes back into your attention span. the insecurites seep back in… “is he toying with me? just a random phrase that he doesn’t mean?” it’s inevitable for me at least, because i am an extremely insecure girl. i don’t know why, but i just am. that’s why i’m skeptical, to protect myself. but once i do dedicate myself, it’s very hard for me to save the remenants of my heart if it gets stepped on.

no pain, no gain huh?

7 months

i woke up this morning, feeling woozy. pardon me for playing till 3am last night. but through the haziness in my mind, one small light shone at me. him.

ding dong. his sms came. good morning! what are you doing huh?

why is my heart fluttering like so? why do i feel butterfly wings in my tummy? what’s this light-headed giddiness i haven’t felt in the longest time?

throughout the day i just kept waiting for his sms. just kept waiting. uncle didn’t matter. son didn’t matter. and of course not the him from far away, who hasn’t plucked up his courage to talk to me.

we’re not together. nuh uh. i won’t allow that to happen. not at the wrong timing. but what’s this feeling of crazed happiness when i see his sms? what’s this intense sadness when he says, i’ll miss you?

and what’s that grinding pain in my chest when i think about not meeting him for at least the next 7 months?

i know i’ll get over this… but for now… it feels like love. all over again. that young, innocent, shy puppy love.

kinky kinky kinky.